It's 345 in the morning and I'm up to my old habits again. Damn it.

The new showcase wants me to play 4 of my songs and fully produce them.

They want Ode to Heros, Fish in the Ocean, All Jokes Aside (Carly's Song), and Help Me.

That's the most one student has ever had in a showcase for this class at AMDA.

The Ode to Heroes
By Billy Steeves

If I traveled back in time to when you
felt the happiest you felt
And I told you that in just a little
while you would kill yourself
And I asked you why and you started to cry and
I could really feel your pain
Then i'd shake you straight and tell you you're great and
that you're fucking Kurt Cobain

(chorus)
Well then maybe
I could show you
how crazy
And maybe
You would realize
the good
Or even maybe
I would ask you
how you
could sing through
A shotgun hole in your head

If I traveled back in time to when the
lightbulb fell down on your head
and Shelly and me and Erik and thee were
laughing glad that you weren't dead
in the loading dock where we would stock the
wood for things that had not happened
I would grab your tie and tell you why I
had to come save Jared Nathan

(chorus)
Wish I told you
that how you
led the crew
with such truth
honesty and happiness
Was wonderful
and so full
of joyfull
miricles
an idol that became a friend
one car crash made that all end

If I traveled back to yesterday, back
when you were still alive...
Now, I understand that you were an old man but
I never got to say goodbye
I liked our talks and our slow ass walks cause
you had to use your cane
it's just so weird now that you're not here and
obituaries print your name

(chorus)
But they don't
know half the shit
that I found out
No, they don't
know what it is
i'm talking bout
WHoa!! like how you said
that you're ex-wife's head
could be compared
to a shoe
"as uglay as a boot"

But you loved her all the way through
and I'm really gonna miss you
Clifford was a substitute
but he was no substitute

for a friend
mmmmMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm
For my friends
mmmmMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm
For the fallen

I'm Having so much fun. Classes are really good. Some teachers taught at Julliard. Making friends. Going out. I'm being tested and I'm going to pass.

That came out funny.

fucking idiot fucking idiot fucking idiot fucking idiot fucking idoit fucking idiot fucking idiot fucking idiot

I propose that if you can grow up you can also grow down.

Conversation is so scarey. Sometimes, most times, I feel like I have a sock in my mouth and tape on my lips.

Contributing to friendships~ ha. I'll count myself lucky if I'm not completely alone when I'm 25.

Dumb.

Dude, I got into the American Musical and Dramatic Acedemy of Los Angeles.
College boy.
Spent some time phoning friends, spreading the news. I felt really happy.



On a different note, I am so crazy.
And lonely.
But more crazy.
And angry.

But, the people in L.A aren't expecting anything. Maybe I'll reinvent myself.
Yeah right.
Don't know how to do thaT.



i WISH i was thom.

but it's just like SSO blah lately. I'm waiting in this apartment for a letter that I'm not even entirely sure is coming.

Muffy is... my cell mate. HAhahaha, how true. Awww, I love her though.

Then there's Marcel. He lives on the first floor of my three floor apartment building and I'm pretty sure he smokes crack. (I don't know if I told you, but I moved to Nashua. It's nice, small and hot in here.) Today three police crusiers pulled up to take Marcel away. I listened in at the top of the stairwell. Total crackhead, father of 3. Somebody called it in that they saw him byuing drugs or something. They brought him in for neglect. He was talking about how much he doesn't like me and my family on the third floor. Well we don't like you either pal.

And I need to make a mental note to stop eating so much. I've been putting it on and I need to start taking it off.

In addition, I am in this math class that seems absolutely hopeless.

I wish I had a tutor.

I had a dream. I was very angry in the dream. That sucked. Have you ever felt angry for an entire nights sleep? Wicked fucking geh.
I was with Maa and
a random dude who I assumed was her boyfriend.
And we were walking down mainstreet nashua through the beautiful gardens directly pass Micheal Timothy's. The Cathedreal to our left was enormous.

Trevor Beuteau came with a gang of people who were vibrantly familiar in the dream
but comp[letely hazie now that I am awake. THey all sat in the garden and I joined them. Mom just stood and watched. The man we were with looked foreward and his face seemed to be shrouded in a mist.
A 2nd gang of teenagers sat near in the garden. We seemed to be friends.
then i got angry and shouted "Who the fuck are you!?!?! I don't even kn ow you people and sat with Trevor.

Trevor was being boisterous.

I was angry through out.
THey all wanted to go home and drink wine.
Trevor said "Lets get Montegnah! It's the fucking best ever!"
I didn't want any fucking 'Montegnah'. And we all stayed in the moment at the garden.

I was angry.
They wanted to drink.

I woke up saying Montegnah.

A new songbook.
ALL of "whatever and ever amen"
SO kick ass.


Tomorrow; "the juke"

Pilate:







A "lie"?! Whatchu know about what's a lie and what's the truth?! Whatchu know about my history?! Alls you got to go on is some book written four different ways by four different Jews wasn't even there in the first place! And whatchu know about my life AFTER Palestine? Whatchu know about what I mighta did or didn't do when I got back home to the Motherland? Dass right- you don't know jack- do you? They didn't write that part of the story, did they? Shit bitch- I'll tell you something: You and your presumptious nature reminds me more and more of my ex-wife Selda every minute- and believe me that ain't no compliment! Yes, I met this Jesus boy- seemed like a fine fellow! Dressed like a hobo. Smelled like a goat, but give the boy a shower and a shave and he woulda been basically all right. And I'll tell you something else: Unlike Judas, that Nazarene boy had character. He didn't come up on me begging and groveling- crying like a bitch. He faced me like a man, like a Roman almost, and that impressed me. I was willing to just have him clubbed in the head for a coupla hours- redirect his youthful energies- but them Jews- they wasn't having none a that! You can say what you want to, THINK what you want to, but them Jews was fixin' to pitch a fit until that bot was served up for lunch like chicken in the skillet! And they had the numbers on us that weekend- two hundred thousand strong converging on the city for the High Holidays and ready to rumble at the drop! I did what I had to do to preserve the damn peace! Why?! 'Cuz that was my damn job! I did my job! I did my DAMN job and now you wanna call me a liar?! Question my veracity and my character?! I am a Roman, lady. One hundred percent, 24/7, we never close! Underneath my ball sac is stamped: Veritas! And that means TRUTH! And that means my honor is defined by my integrity and my integrity is defined by my truth! And I defy you- here and now -to produce one shred of evidence to support your wild and defamatory claims! Shit! You better check the re'sume' two times before you start tryin' ta sweep dirt under a Roman's rug! I am clean like a Dove and Ready for Love, missy! I live in Heaven! Where you live at, girlfriend?! Shit! I'll tell you what, though: When you get your little head straightened out, gimme a call some time you want to- I'll take you down to the Aqueduct for a Pizza and a Tussle. Show you my tattoos....... Any more questions?

"Actor JACK BLACK regrets meeting his musical hero, RADIOHEAD frontman THOM YORKE, because the singer couldn't have been less impressive. The Shallow Hal star hailed Yorke a musical God but was left feeling deflated when he met the musician in the flesh - because he "was not into it". And now Black insists people shouldn't try to befriend their heroes to avoid disappointment. The 38-year-old says, "He was not into it. All my heroes: not into it when I approach them! What do you hope to get from it? What you hope, even if you don't admit it, is that they will like you and want to be your friend. "(That's) totally unrealistic and not fair to them. Just leave them alone! Because you're going to enjoy them the same amount from over here, where you never meet them."

I still want to meet my heroes.

Drunk History vol. 2 - Featuring Jack Black on FunnyOrDie.com

Sighhh. Push the air out like a horse.

O, lament. Am I hurting my father? He is sick. Poisoned by a sucubus. Dur. Damn. Ijust, felt bad. No one was listening to my ideas at the move. I geuss they were stupid anyways. We carried all moms shit (Couches, boxes and various other furniture) up 2 flights of stairs. It sucked. I was very tired and a bit grumpy.
Coming back from the move to dads felt weird. Given, Bill and I had just tolked, so I was thinking deeply anyway. "Is it really so bad here?" The American Flag that hangs on the red wall outside the house was missing a push pin. The stars were covered. All I could see was the red stripes and white. I wanted to walk across the ice sealed yard to fix it, as I could see the pin still imbedded in the material but I decided against it. Instead I ignored the problem and keeped on walking.

And I couldn't help but think that that was what I was doing to Dad.
I opened the door, and Robin was lying on the couch.
"What are you watching" I said.
"the cooking channel" she mumbled in a low barely audible voice.
What?
"the cooking channel" the same.
"What show?"
"barbqueing" not once did she say hello, smile, or even look at me.

I walked away excited to move.

I had a dream;
My famnily and I checked into the 4 Seasons.
Strait away we blocaded the doors to our room.
We knew they were coming.
I strayed away to save some one else.
My dog.
"No!" they all cried, but I was already moving.
The lobby was a large white ballroom.
A black guy and his son sat on a bench 10 feet away as I approached the front desk.
"Everything is gonna be ok." he said to his boy.

"Excuse me" I said to the clerk "Have you seen my dog? She's an adorable little multipoo, goes by muffy?"

The clerk answered me with huge eyes filled with terror.
I followed his stare.
Everyone was zombies.
I started to run.
I looked over at the black family.
The dad swooped in to bite his son's nose off.

Then the glass hallways
I ran through these glass doors draped with white linen.
Chaos and Zombies.
Death and Devastation.
I ran through these glass doors draped with white linen.
I ran through these glass doors draped with white linen.
I ran through these glass doors draped with white linen.
I ran through these glass doors draped with white linen.
I ran through these glass doors draped with white linen.
I ran through these glass doors draped with white linen.
I could see that there was a busy city street just beyond.

I looked back and there was Heath Ledger with a shotgun and a cowboy hat.
He was killing the Zombies.
I kept running.
I never left that Hotel.
I hid with John Hardwick, Jordan Fritz, Brandyn Fitzgerald, and Jeremiah in this clay basement.
And we stayed there.

LOST is my favorite show on T.V. It's like the new twilight zone? Anybody feel me?

Well, the big move is happening on saturday. One small step for man, one giant leap into manhood. I'm scared and excited to start this new part of me life.


What am i, a freaking leprechaun?





Girl, you are SO gross.

fig. 1615 Hieron Wks. I. 438 Neither is euery myst of sorrow dissolued into teares. 1842 Tennyson Love & Duty. 43 Rain out the heavy mist of tears.
b. Used in proverbial phr.
c1330 Arth. & Merl. 7364 (Kolbing) Ich hope.. We schul hem driue, so sonne dop mist! c1420 Lydg. Assembly of Gods 1988 Derke as a myste, or a feynyd fable. 1535 Coverdale Isa. xliv. 21 as for thyne offences, I dryue them awaye like the cloudes, and thy synnes as the myst.

c. Scotch (+ Scottish, +Scots) mist: you thought that you saw something; you didn't; it was a trick of the light, a phantasm, a spectre.

1589 [? Lyly] Pappe w. Hatchet Ded., Wks 1902 III. 394 We care not for a Scottish mist, though it wet vs to the skin.
1599 Broughton's Lett. viii. 27 It is no marueile you so affect the Scottish mist; for where the head doth DKOTOBIVIAV, the tongue must needes DKOTOBIVIAV. 1623 Minsheu. Mollinas,

Cloverfeild was even better a sixth time. One more and it'll be my lucky movie.

So, I'm chilling out today playing some rock, smoking some video games and listening to some weed, when who of all people calls me but STEPH FORCE!!! I hadn't heard from her in a while. SAid she wanted to see me. She came down and we had a great time driving and talking. I introduced her to my friend, the Carmel Apple M-pa_Nah-dah. We destroyed him and his brother with our teeth and steam. It was de-lish.

Then we get to the movies early and managed to see the end of "Untraceable". Let's just say I was glad I wasn't there to see that movie. We ran into my friends "The Customers". They sat with us and we all talked and laughed some more. Then the movie came on. All our faces. So satisfied.

Jason, my friend from Cloverfeild, really sums up the whole movie really well.
"... it's about moments, man. It's all about moments. You got to learn to say forget the world, and hold on to the people that you love." boom... "Why'd you stop?"...crush.

And why DID Rob stop? For Beth. He stopped for Beth....

I am a movie star!



I want to call it "Lament Over the Ruin of the Country" after the bible verse that fits the movie so well. I read it aloud. LAst night was a good night for improv.

And... I almost died. It was a perfect moment. The car literally grinded the snowbank.

"It was like a roller coaster."

It was like my heart was in my head. Know what I mean?

Smoked a cig.

Save yourself.

Look left to right. Side to side. And from front to back. I'm not gone. Just moving on. There is no turning back.








"I'm fighting everyone at once and I'm winning
(I'm fighting everyone at once and I'm winning)
You can't think Of me as you did in the begining
(You can't think of me as you did in the begining)

By the time you hear this song
You've gone wrong.
Up in the labrynth of time
in your mind.
UnLearn
UnwinD
Nod not to worry.
There is no Hurry.
"I'm underneath"
says she.
You've been poluted;
uprooted by time.
You have been muted
bfen mnuted
a Lighe
A living vessel of the 1
Of the moon! of the sun.

HEY! you ain't as dead as you seem.
What. The. Fuck.
Hey. But you keep living your lie.
HEY! Your lifes a bore but you dream.
Bring yourself to be yourself tonight.


I see evidence in how you hold your head.
And I see evidence in how you say whats that.
I can see it in your eyes
The you've been hypnotized
You've been poluted;
uprooted by time.
You have been muted
bfen mnuted
a Lighe
A living vessel of the 1
Of the moon! of the sun.

HEY! you ain't as dead as you seem.
What. The. Fuck.
Hey. But you keep living your lie.
HEY! Your lifes a bore but you dream.
Bring yourself to be yourself tonight.
HEY! you ain't as dead as you seem.
What. The. Fuck.
Hey. But you keep living your lie.
HEY! Your lifes a bore but you dream.
Bring yourself to be yourself tonight.
HEY! you ain't as dead as you seem.
What. The. Fuck.
Hey. But you keep living your lie.
HEY! Your lifes a bore but you dream.
Bring yourself to be yourself tonight.